World War Pony
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: WWI AU! Post season 3 AU! What if the Germans gained the power of the ADAM? what if a certain mad monk didn't die? What if a certain someone died in the bathtub too early? What if someone randomly dropped ponies and the Pines family into all of this just for the heck of it? What then?
1. Chapter 1

**World War Pony**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

... **Germany, 1911**...

Kaiser Wilhelm II was beside himself, no where he looked, it looked like war would be coming to Europe...the recent Agadir crisis in Morocco was just yet another step to it. Worse, Britain was clearly favoring France over Germany.

...it was a ll a tangled mess...the alliances, the nationalism, the declining health of the ottoman empire, the lapse of the so-called 'balance of power'...no, this would not end well at all...

Wilhelm decided to take a breather and maybe have some ale, he opened the door and walked into the hallway-

 **NO GODS OR KINGS**

 **ONLY MAN**

The Kaiser was stunned...he was underwater! No, in a CITY underwater! A bit banged up, but still spectacular! He looked back to where he'd 'come in' but the door was gone! Nothing but Ocean! Was that a whale?

 **"Breathtaking, isn't it?"**

Now the Kaiser was a brave man give him a saber and he'd tear down his enemies like any true Prussian King! And yet...as he beheld the monster before him- a ghastly creature that towered over him, had no face, and yet wore a snappy business suite -terrified him beyond measure

 **"Glorious Beachfront property, a view to die for, and a treasure trove of tech that's centuries ahead of your enemies! And I can give it all to you- even teach you how to use it! -All for the low, low price of rethinking some of upcoming battle strategies! Like say...the Schlieffen plan?"**

The Kaiser just stood speechless as the Creature took him on a 'guided tour' of the great city that would change the course of History as we know it...

... **Later, in Russia**...

 **"WHAT!? HE WON'T DIE UNTIL 1916!?"** Shouts slenderman as he reads 'Famous European Mystics'. **"Well that won't work at all! That throws off my whole plan!"**

Slenderman sighs, **"Well, can't be helped...TIME FOR A RETCON!"**

And thus the fabric of time was altered...speeding up events of that one 'event' would happen in 1911 instead of 1916...but nothing else would be altered...

 **...later? Earlier? who can say?(1911-ish?)...**

Felix Yusupov, Dimitri Pavlovich, and many others watched from the Petrovsky Bridge as Grigor Rasputin's body sank into the Malaya Nevka River...they'd poisoned him...then shot him...TWICE! He had to dead...HE HAD TO BE DEAD!

...Still...it wouldn't hurt to stay a bit...just to be sure?

"Felix...my friend...why have you done this to me?" Said a familiar voice behind him

Felix went quite pale... "Net ... eto ne mozhet byt' ..."

But he turned with his fellow conspirators...and there he stood...the Mad Monk, alive and well.

Despite the fear running through them, Dimitri managed to scream out; "PRISTRELI YEGO! SMOTRITE DEMON!" All but Felix obeyed, their guns blazed...

But through it all...Rasputin did not fall, he did not waver, did not even seem to notice the many bullet wounds that now dotted his body...nor when they started to heal...

This was the final straw, most of the conspirators through down their weapons and ran in fear...none would leave alive...

Felix did not run- what was the point? -he instead just fell to his knees as he companions screams echoed through the night...his scream too would join them as the inky black tentacles rose from the shadows and dragged him to suffering everlasting...

Slenderman admired his new 'Business partner's' handiwork, **"Right, remember our deal come wartime?"**

The Mad Monk simply bowed to his new lord...

 **... 1912 Republican National Convention...**

"Died in the BATHTUB!?" Exclaimed Teddy Roosevelt in disbelief. The Republican congressman nodded, "Poor Taft...we knew the man was fat...but to go out THAT way? ...shameful, just shameful."

Roosevelt simply shook his head, he may have been displeased with how Taft ran things...but no man deserved to go out that way...

Together they walked out to drink a pint in Taft's name...and to discuss the upcoming election...of which Teddy was now a shoo-in...

 **...later that year...**

Roosevelt gives his speech:

 ** _We come here today to commemorate one of the epochmaking events of the long struggle_  
 _for the rights of man, the long struggle for the uplift of humanity. Our country_  
 _-_**

 ** _This great Republic means nothing unless it means the triumph of a real democracy, the triumph of popular government, and, in the long run, of an economic system under which each man shall_  
 _be guaranteed the opportunity to show the best that there is in him._**

 ** _That is why the history of America is now the central feature of the history of the world; for the world has set its face hopefully toward our democracy; and, O my fellow citizens, each one of you carries on your shoulders not only the burden of doing well for the sake of your own country, but the burden of doing well and of seeing that this nation does well for the sake of have been two great crises in our country's history: first, when it was formed, and then, again, when it was perpetuated; and, in the second of these great crises._  
 _-_  
 _in the time of stress and strain which culminated in the Civil War, on the outcome of which depended the justification of what had been done earlier, you men of the Grand Army, you men who fought through the Civil War, not only did you justify your generation, not only did you render life worth living for our generation, but you justified the wisdom of Washington and Washington's colleagues._**

 ** _If this Republic had been founded by them only to be split asunder into fragments when the strain came, then the judgment of the world would have been that Washington's work was not worth doing. It was you who crowned Washington's work, as you carried to achievement the high purpose of Abraham Lincoln._**

 ** _Now, with this second period of our history the name of John Brown will be forever associated; and Kansas was the theater upon which the first act of the second of our great national life dramas was played._**

 ** _It was the result of the struggle in Kansas which determined that our country should be in deed as well as in name devoted to both union and freedom; that the great experiment of democratic government on a national scale should succeed and not fail. In name we had the Declaration of Independence in 1776; but we gave the lie by our acts to the words of the Declaration of Independence until 1865; and words count for nothing except in so far as they represent acts._**

 ** _This is true everywhere; but, O my friends, it should be truest of all in political life. A broken promise is bad enough in private life. It is worse in the field of politics._**

 ** _No man is worth his salt in public life who makes on the stump a pledge which_  
 _he does not keep after election; and, if he makes such a pledge and does not keep it, hunt him out of public life. I care for the great deeds of the past chiefly as spurs to drive us onward in the present. I speak of the men of the past partly that they may be honored by our praise of them, but more that they may serve as examples for the future._**

 ** _It was a heroic struggle; and, as is inevitable with all such struggles, it had also a dark and_  
 _terrible side. Very much was done of good, and much also of evil; and, as was inevitable in_  
 _such a period of revolution, often the same man did both good and evil._**

 ** _For our great good fortune as a nation, we, the people of the United States as a whole, can now afford to forget the evil, or, at least, to remember it without bitterness, and to fix our eyes with pride only on the good that was accomplished._**

 ** _Even in ordinary times there are very few of us who do not see the problems of life as through a glass, darkly; and when the glass is clouded by the murk of furious popular passion, the vision of the best and the bravest is dimmed._**

 ** _Looking back, we are all of us now able to do justice to the valor and the disinterestedness and the love of the right, as to each it was given to see the right, shown both by the men of the North and the men of the South in that contest which was finally decided by the attitude of the West._**

 ** _We can admire the heroic valor, the sincerity, the self devotion shown alike by the men who wore the blue and the men who wore the gray; and our sadness that such men should have had to fight one another is tempered by the glad knowledge that ever hereafter their descendants shall be found fighting side by side, struggling in peace as well as in war for the uplift of their common country. all alike resolute to raise to the highest pitch of honor and usefulness the nation to which they all belong._**

 ** _As for the veterans of the Grand Army of the Republic, they deserve honor and recognition such as is paid to no other citizens of the Republic; for to them the republic owes its all; for to them it owes its very existence._**

 ** _It is because of what you and your comrades did in the dark years that we of to day walk, each of us, head erect, and proud that we belong, not to one of a dozen little squabbling contemptible commonwealths, but to the mightiest nation upon which the sun shines._**

 ** _I do not speak of this struggle of the past merely from the historic standpoint. Our interest is primarily in the application to day of the lessons taught by the contest of half a century ago._**

 ** _It is of little use for us to pay lip loyalty to the mighty men of the past unless we sincerely endeavor to apply to the problems of the present precisely the qualities which in other crises enable the men of that day to meet those crises._**

 ** _It is half melancholy and half amusing to see the way in which well meaning people gather to do honor to the man who, in company with John Brown, and under the lead of Abraham Lincoln, faced and solved the great problems of the nineteenth century, while, at the same time, these same good people nervously shrink from, or frantically denounce, those who are trying to meet the problems of the twentieth century in the spirit which was accountable for the successful solution of the problems of Lincoln's time. should have justice._**

 ** _For every special interest is entitled to justice, but not one is entitled to a vote in Congress, to a voice on the bench, or to representation in any public office._**

 ** _The Constitution guarantees protections to property, and we must make that promise good But it does not give the right of suffrage to any corporation._**

 ** _The true friend of property, the true conservative, is he who insists that property shall be the servant and not the master of the commonwealth; who insists that the creature of man's making shall be the servant and not the master of the man who made it. The citizens of the United States must effectively control the mighty commercial forces which they have themselves called into being._**

 ** _There can be no effective control of corporations while their political activity remains. To put an end to it will be neither a short nor an easy task, but it can be done._**

 ** _We must have complete and effective publicity of corporate affairs, so that people may know_  
 _beyond peradventure whether the corporations obey the law and whether their management entitles them to the confidence of the public._**

 ** _It is necessary that laws should be passed to_  
 _prohibit the use of corporate funds directly or indirectly for political purposes; it is still more_  
 _necessary that such laws should be thoroughly enforced._**

 ** _Corporate expenditures for political purposes, and especially such expenditures by public service corporations, have supplied one of the principal sources of corruption in our political affairs._**

 ** _It has become entirely clear that we must have government supervision of the capitalization, not only of public service corporations, including, particularly, railways, but of all corporations doing an interstate business._**

 ** _I do not wish to see the nation forced into the ownership of the railways if it can possibly be avoided, and the only alternative is thoroughgoing and effective regulation, which shall be based on a full knowledge of all the facts, including a physical valuation of property. This physical valuation is not needed, or, at least, is very rarely needed, for fixing rates; but it is needed as the basis of honest capitalization._**

 ** _We have come to recognize that franchises should never be granted except for a limited time, and never without proper provision for compensation to the public._**

 ** _It is my personal belief that the same kind and degree of control and supervision which should be exercised over public service corporations should be extended also to combinations which control necessaries of life, such as meat, oil, and coal, or which deal in them on an important scale._**

 ** _I have not doubt that the ordinary man who has control of them is much like ourselves. I have no doubt he would like to do well, but I want to have enough supervision to help him realize that desire to do well._**

 ** _I believe that the officers, and, especially, the directors, of corporations should be held personally responsible when any corporation breaks the law._**

 ** _Combinations in industry are the result of an imperative economic law which cannot be repealed by political legislation._**

 ** _The effort at prohibiting all combination has substantially failed. The way out lies, not in attempting to prevent such combinations, but in completely._**

 ** _his children leaves it to them a little better than he found it himself. I believe the same thing of a nation._**

 ** _Moreover, I believe that the natural resources must be used for the benefit of all our people, and not monopolized for the benefit of the few, and here again is another case in which I am accused of taking a revolutionary attitude._**

 ** _People forget now that one hundred years ago there were public men of good character who advocated the nation selling its public lands in great quantities, so that the nation could get the most money out of it, and giving it to the men who could cultivate it for their own uses. We took the proper democratic ground that the land should be granted in small sections to the men who were actually to till it and live on it._**

 ** _Now, with the waterpower with the forests, with the mines, we are brought face to face with the fact that there are many people who will go with us in conserving the resources only if they are to be allowed to exploit them for their benefit. That is one of the fundamental reasons why the special interest should be driven out of politics._**

 ** _Of all the questions which can come before this nation, short of the actual preservation of its existence in a great war, there is none which compares in importance with the great central task of leaving this land even a better land for our descendants than it is for us, and training them into a better race to inhabit the land and pass it on. Conservation is a great moral issue for it involves the patriotic duty of insuring the safety and continuance of the nation._**

 ** _Let me add that the health and vitality of our people are at least as well worth conserving as their forests, waters, lands, and minerals, and in this great work the national government must bear a most important part._**

 ** _I have spoken elsewhere also of the great task which lies before the farmers of the country to get for themselves and their wives and children not only the benefits of better farming, but also those of better business methods and better conditions of life on the farm. The burden of this great task will fall, as it should, mainly upon the great organizations of the farmers themselves._**

 ** _I am glad it will, for I believe they are all able to handle it. In particular, there are strong reasons why the Departments of Agriculture of the various States, and the United States Department of Agriculture, and the agricultural colleges and experiment stations should extend their work to cover all phases of farm life, instead of limiting themselves. as they have far too often limited themselves in the past, solely to the question of the production of crops._**

 ** _And now a special word to the farmer. I want to see him make the farm as fine a farm as it can be made; and let him remember to see that the improvement goes on indoors as well as out; let him remember that the farmer's wife should have her share of thought and attention just as much as the farmer himself. Nothing is more true than that excess of every kind is followed by reaction; a fact which should be pondered by reformer and reactionary alike._**

 ** _We are face to face with new conceptions of the relations of property to human welfare, chiefly because certain advocates of the rights of property as against the rights of men have been pushing their claims too far._**

 ** _The man who wrongly holds that every human right is secondary to his profit must now give way to the advocate of human welfare, who rightly maintains that every man holds his property subject to the general right of the community to regulate its use to whatever degree the public welfare may require it._**

 ** _But I think we may go still further. The right to regulate the use of wealth in the public interest is universally admitted. Let us admit also the right to regulate the terms and conditions of labor, which is the chief element of wealth, directly in the interest of the common good._**

 ** _The fundamental thing to do for every man is to give him a chance to reach a place in which he will make the greatest possible contribution to the public welfare. Understand what I say there._**

 ** _Give him a chance, not push him up if he will not be pushed. Help any man who stumbles; if he lies down, it is a poor job to try to carry him; but if he is a worthy man, try your best to see that he gets a chance to show the worth that is in him._**

 ** _No man can be a good citizen unless he has a wage more than sufficient to cover the bare cost of living, and hours of labor short enough so that after his day's work is done he will have time and energy to bear his share in the management of the community, to help in carrying the general load. We keep countless men from being good citizens by the conditions of life with which we surround them._**

 ** _We need comprehensive workmen's compensation acts, both State and national laws to regulate child_  
 _labor and work for women, and, especially, we need in our common schools not merely education in booklearning, but also practical training for daily life and work. We need to enforce better sanitary conditions for our workers and to extend the use of safety appliances for our workers in industry and commerce, both within and between the States._**

 ** _Also, friends, in the interest of the working man himself we need to set our faces like Mint against mob violence just as against corporate greed; against violence and injustice and lawlessness by wage workers just as much as against lawless cunning and greed and selfish arrogance of employers._**

 ** _If I could ask but one thing of my fellow countrymen, my request would be that, whenever they go in for reform, they remember the two sides, and that they always exact justice from one side as much as from the other._**

 ** _I have small use for the public servant who can always see and denounce the corruption of the capitalist, but who cannot persuade himself, especially before elections, to say a word about lawless mob violence._**

 ** _And I have equally small use for the man, be he a judge on the bench, or editor of a great paper, or wealthy and influential private citizen, who can see clearly enough and denounce the lawlessness of mob violence, but whose eyes are closed so that he is blind when the question is one of corruption in business on a gigantic scale. Also remember what I said about excess in reformer and reactionary alike._**

 ** _If the reactionary man, who thinks of nothing but the rights of property, could have his way, he would bring about a revolution; and one of my chief fears in connection with progress comes because I do not want to see our people, for lack of proper leadership, compelled to follow men whose intentions are excellent, but whose eyes are a little too wild to make it really safe to trust them._**

 ** _Here in Kansas there is one paper which habitually denounces me as the tool of Wall Street, and at the same time frantically repudiates the statement that I am a Socialist on the ground that is an unwarranted slander of the Socialists._**

 ** _National efficiency has many factors. It is a necessary result of the principle of conservation widely applied. In the end it will determine our failure or success as a nation. National efficiency has to do, not only with natural resources and with men, but is equally concerned with institutions._**

 ** _The State must be made efficient for the work which concerns only the people of the State; and the nation for that which concerns all the people. There must remain no neutral ground to serve as a refuge for lawbreakers, and especially for lawbreakers of great wealth, who can hire the vulpine legal cunning which will teach them how to avoid both jurisdictions._**

 ** _It is a misfortune when the national legislature fails to do its duty in providing a national remedy, so that the only national activity is the purely negative activity of the judiciary in forbidding the State to exercise power in the premises._**

 ** _I do not ask for overcentralization; but I do ask that we work in a spirit of broad and far reaching nationalism when we work for what concerns our people as a whole. We are all Americans. Our common interests are as broad as the continent._**

 ** _I speak to you here in Kansas exactly as I would speak in New York or Georgia, for the most vital problems are those which affect us all alike._**

 ** _The national government belongs to the whole American people, and where the whole American people are interested, that interest can be guarded effectively only by the national government. The betterment which we seek must be accomplished, I believe, mainly through the national government._**

 ** _The American people are right in demanding that New Nationalism, without which we cannot hope to deal with new problems. The New Nationalism puts the national need before sectional or personal advantage._**

 ** _It is impatient of the utter confusion that results from local legislatures attempting to treat national issues as local issues. It is still more impatient of the impotence which springs from overdivision of governmental powers, the impotence which makes it possible for local selfishness or for legal cunning, hired by wealthy special interests, to bring national activities to a deadlock. This New Nationalism regards the executive power as the_  
 _steward of the public welfare._**

 ** _It demands of the judiciary that it shall be interested primarily in human welfare rather than in property, just as it demands that the representative body shall represent all the people rather than any one class or section of the people._  
 _I believe in shaping the ends of government to protect property as well as human welfare._**

 ** _Normally, and in the long run, the ends are the same; but whenever the alternative must be faced, I am for men and not for property, as you were in the Civil War. I am far from underestimating the importance of dividends; but I rank dividends below human character._**

 ** _Again, I do not have any sympathy with the reformer who says he does not care for dividends. Of course, economic welfare is necessary, for a man must pull his own weight and be able to support his family._**

 ** _I know well that the reformers must not bring upon the people economic ruin, or the reforms themselves will go down in the ruin. But we must be ready to face temporary disaster, whether or not brought on by those who will war against us to the knife._**

 ** _Those who oppose all reform will do well to remember that ruin in its worst form is inevitable if our national life brings us nothing better than swollen fortunes for the few and the triumph in both politics and business of a sordid and selfish materialism. If our political institutions were perfect, they would absolutely prevent the political_  
 _domination of money in any part of our affairs._**

 ** _We need to make our political representatives more quickly and sensitively responsive to the people whose servants they are. More direct action by the people in their own affairs under proper safeguards is vitally necessary._**

 ** _The direct primary is a step in this direction, if it is associated with a corrupt practices act effective to prevent the advantage of the man willing recklessly and unscrupulously to spend money over his more honest competitor._**

 ** _It is particularly important that all moneys received or expended for campaign purposes should be publicly accounted for, not only after election, but before election as well. Political action must be made simpler, easier, and freer from confusion for every citizen._**

 ** _I believe that the prompt removal of unfaithful or incompetent public servants should be made easy and sure in whatever way experience shall show to be most expedient in any given class of cases._**

 ** _One of the fundamental necessities in a representative government such as ours is to make certain that the men to whom the people delegate their power shall serve the people by whom they are elected, and not the special interests._**

 ** _I believe that every national officer, elected or appointed, should be forbidden to perform any service or receive any compensation, directly or indirectly, from interstate corporations; and a similar provision could not fail to be useful within the States._**

 ** _The object of government is the welfare of the people. The material progress and prosperity of a nation are desirable chiefly so far as they lead to the moral and material welfare of all good citizens. Just in proportion as the average man and woman are honest, capable of sound judgment and high ideals, active in public affairs._  
 _-_  
 _but, first of all, sound in their home life, and the father and mother of healthy children whom they bring up well just so far, and no farther, we may count our civilization a success._  
 _-_  
 _I believe we have already a genuine and permanent moral awakening, without which no wisdom of legislation or administration really means anything; and, on the other hand, we must try to secure the social and economic legislation without which any improvement due to purely moral agitation is necessarily evanescent._**

 ** _Let me again illustrate by a reference to the Grand Army. You could not have won simply as a disorderly and disorganized mob. You needed generals; you needed careful administration of the most advanced type; and a good commissary._  
 _-_  
 _The cracker line. You well remember that success was necessary in many different lines in order to bring about_  
 _general success._**

 ** _You had to have the administration at Washington good, just as you had to have the_  
 _administration in the field; and you had to have the work of the generals good. You could not_  
 _have triumphed without that administration and leadership; but it would all have been_  
 _worthless if the average soldier had not had the right stuff in him._**

 ** _He had to have the right stuff in him, or you could not get it out of him. In the last analysis, therefore, vitally necessary_  
 _though it was to have the right kind of organization and the right kind of generalship, it was even more vitally necessary that the average soldier should have the fighting edge, the right character._**

 ** _So it is in our civil life. No matter how honest and decent we are in our private lives, if we do_  
 _not have the right kind of law and the right kind of administration of the law, we cannot go forward as a nation._**

 ** _That is imperative; but it must be an addition to, and not a substitution for, the qualities that make us good citizens._**

 ** _In the last analysis, the most important elements in any man's career must be the sum of those qualities which, in the aggregate, we speak of as character._**

 ** _If he has not got it, then no law that the wit of man can devise, no administration of_  
 _the law by the boldest and strongest executive, will avail to help him. We must have the right kind of character._  
 _-_  
 _character that makes a man, first of all, a good man in the home, a good_  
 _father, a good husband that makes a man a good neighbor._**

 ** _You must have that, and, then, in addition, you must have the kind of law and the kind of administration of the law which will give to those qualities in the private citizen the best possible chance for development._**

 ** _The prime problem of our nation is to get the right type of good citizenship, and, to get it, we must_  
 _have progress, and our public men must be genuinely progressive..._**

 **...Even later that year...**

Roosevelt naturally won in a landslide and today was his inauguration, "I do solemnly swear, that I will faithfully execute, the Office, of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution, of the United States." He swore.

Just in time too, with how things were shaping up in Europe-

 **ZAP!**

Suddenly an Aurora Borealis was seen across heavens...

 **BOOM!**

And the ground itself began to shake...

 **...Equestria?...**

Newly Ascended Princess Twilight Sparkle found herself flung from bed as a great quake shook everything...

 **...Gravity Falls?...**

One Dipper Pines would be having the same issue...

 **...California...**

A local fisherman was flung from his boat, he looked up in time to see a strange new landmass appear across the sea...

None of the were aware that both their worlds just got a lot bigger...

 **...Badlands...**

The changelings woke up in fright and scurried to their queen...

 **...Northern Equestria...**

Deep below the ice and snow...

Deep below where shadows grow...

King Sombra Woke...

 **...Tarterus...**

Tirek lifted his head as his bars and manacles shook...

 **...Canterlot Royal Gardens...**

A piece of plaster fell from Discords statue...

 **...?...**

The storm king snores...

…III...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

**ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **AN: I am rewriting this story and continuing it in 'Tales of the falls'(it'll be easier to keep track of)  
**

 **As for the rate of updating; that depends on real life, inspiration, will of my lord and savior Jesus Christ...and bribing me with 'Shake up the falls chapters.**

 **Yes, for every ONE chapter of my 'Tales of the Falls' challenge you make, I'll have THREE stories of YOUR choosing updated.**

 **...as long as they follow the requirement below:**

 **SHAKE UP THE FALLS: CHALLENGE!**

 **Primary Objective:**

 **Tired of fanfictions just copying cannon and not doing anything really different? Well, I am!**

 **So I say we do a 'deconstruction' of Dipper and Mabels 'sibling bond'! Through the following-**

 **(BEGIN FLASH-FORWARD)**

 ** _A forty-something year old Dipper enters his parents house and takes off his fast-food uniform with a sigh as he looks down at his meager paycheck._**

 ** _A forty-something Mabel (wearing a crazy sweater and surrounded by dozens of cats); looks up._**

 **" _Hey Dipping sauce! Guess what!? I made a 50 ft butterfly made of comics...which I then set ablaze! I'm still the goddess of destruction!...also the police are here again to fine us for burning stuff without a permit...also for unintended arson damage to the neighbors house"_**

 **" _Wait, what!?" Shouts Dipper just as a policeman steps out of the shadows and snatches up Dipper's paycheck._**

 **" _Ah, come on man! I worked overtime the whole week at the drive-through to earn that!" Shouts Dipper. But the Officer had already left._**

 ** _Dipper feels a drop of water on his head...the ceiling was leaking..._**

 **" _I also created a new water slide for Waddles!"_**

 ** _CRASH!_**

 ** _The ceiling gives way as a giant hog crashes down and breaks the floor; water soaking everything!_**

 ** _The cats scatter in panic; breaking various household objects as they do so._**

 ** _Mabel laughs at this. "Ah, they're cute when their crazy!" She shouts as she takes a picture of them._**

 ** _Dipper sighs as he goes to check the emergency fund...only to find it empty..._**

 **" _Hey Dipping sauce! Can we have Pizza tonight!? Duck-tective will be on!" Shouts the ever cheerful yet oblivious Mabel._**

 ** _Dipper just hangs his head...and cries..._**

 ** _(FLASH-FORWARD END)_**

 **What I just showed you was a peek into a future after Gravity falls, where Mabel no longer needs to fear growing up...because she doesn't have to! Why would she need to when she has a pushover brother who is willing to sacrifice everything: never getting married, never being independent, never having a life of his own to make her happy?!(in other words: An Enabler/Co-dependent relationship)  
**

 **You can give this vision to whoever you want: Dipper, Mabel, Wendy, Pacifica, Stan, Ford, Soos, etc- You can have it sent to them at any time in the series, or have them sent back in time, or do a Peggy Sue! And have them use this knowledge to shatter cannon!**

 **Also Bill Cipher's threat needs to be taken more seriously!(I'm talking actual full-on Armageddon preparation after his first appearance!) And they need to take Gideon seriously when he sends the creepy letters and hosts his TV show(You don't have to kill him, but the Pines Family have to at least Neutralize him...or make some kind preparation to fight him when he breaks out). EXAMPLE: Mable is forced to take Dipper more seriously and not mess with him to survive or The realization that she and her loved one's might die at the end of the summer make Wendy not so hung up on the whole 'age gap' with Dipper and goes out with him.  
**

 **Also, the hero's need to be proactive! When Gideon starts sending creepy letters and making television broadcasts, they need to take care of him(kill or neutralize; either works). All that matters is that they strike first at the first sign of trouble; And don't just have them wait around and do nothing!  
**

 **NO LEMONS, LIMES, YAOI, YURI OR INCEST PLEASE! I HATE THAT STUFF...  
**

 **Secondary objective: the following episodes can't end as they did in cannon!(especially if your doing a Crossover!) If you want to kill Wendy and have Pacifica be the rebound fine. Or you could have Wendy give Dipper a chance after saving him from ghosts...have them go on a couple dates(this can even happen off-screen if it's easier)...Wendy decides it's not going to work...and then land Pacifica on the rebound(that works too) Just do something different!(conversely, you could also just give Pacifica Tyrone and Dipper could have Wendy...just saying...everyone would be happy...)**

 **"The Inconveniencing".(it annoyed me that no one did anything with Wendy's 'stare at wall and rethink everything' statement, I'd appreciate some help there)  
**

 **Time Travelers Pig(call it semantics if you must, but I would never let a girl get hurt just to save a pig. Mabel's just going to have to suck it up and learn she can't have everything)(I'd recommend using Steven Universes 'The Answer' as a template(or it's Aesop at least)) The ending can't be cannon! Especially if your doing a crossover!(Endings where BOTH Waddles and Wendy are saved are also okay)  
**

 **Fight Fighters(none of this band-aid solution 'hate each other in silence' stuff! I want to see an aftermath! Have Wendy find out the truth and be mad at both of them if you have to! Just do something different!**

 **Little Dipper(I would prefer you just skip this episode entirely to be honest) (Or better yet, use Steven Universes 'Too short to Ride' episode as a template)(But if you do, do this episode...skip the 'twins idiotically Argue over the crystal instead of saving themselves and their home from Gideon' Scene. Have Dipper punch out Mabel and use the crystal. Or have Mabel punch out Dipper to use the crystal! Just do something different! Especially if it's Crossover! In that case have someone else punch them and use the crystal!)Considering what Dipper just sacrificed for Mable in Time travelers pig...I've always felt that Mable was more then a bit ungrateful and mean in this episode...  
**

 **Boyz Crazy(I actually have no problem with the ending here believe it or not, but I was annoyed that it was rendered somewhat meaningless since there was no aftermath(between Dipper and Wendy anyway). So...you know...go do your thing. I would recommend using Steven universes 'week of Sardonyx' Arc as a template)**

 **Into the Bunker((take a deep breath)look, you can handle the shipping however you want. But you have to have Mabel equally punished for the trouble(it is her fault they were locked in there in the first place after all). (Preferably where Wendy and Dipper are mad at Mabel and refuse to forgive her.)(their also needs to be an aftermath, Dipper having an honest, real conversation with Wendy about how he still has feelings for her and where they go from here. I'd recommend using Steven Universe episodes 'Mr Greg' or 'we need to talk' as templates)(also please just skip 'Roadside attraction' entirely, please)(if your doing a crossover, and bring someone else down there with them, you have to have them stop Mabel from locking Dipper up!  
**

 **Northwest mansion Noir:(Groan) so much wasted potential. Pacifica's parents just forgive her? Nothing comes from the shipping? Pacifica was nearly killed by Wendy's ancestor, and nothing comes from that?)(P.S. I'm aware that a lot of people have actually fixed that in their fics(for which I'm grateful), I just feel that it needs to be said)**

 **Mabel and Dipper v.s. the future(you do what you want with this...just don't make things so ridiculously one-sided and place all the blame on Dipper as it did in cannon(also, Dipper has to find out about Mabel's deal with Bill))**

 **Tertiary objective:**

 **Dipper V.S. Manliness: I always thought it weird that their was no girl(be it Wendy, pacifica, Tambry, or candy, etc) during his 'man trials'. Whether to beat him at being a 'man', laugh at his loincloth(or if he loses said loincloth, make him embarrassed), be inadvertently a crucial part of his 'trial', or just along for the ride...I just think it's a story possibility that should be explored is all... I also feel that Stan's hypocrisy for badmouthing ABBA while he himself watches 'The Duchess Approves' should be explored...as well as Dipper getting mad at Mable ridiculing him after everything he's done for her,  
**

 **Carpet Diem: It always bugged me that nobody cared about Dippers leg getting chewed off by a wolf, A woodpecker biting out his tongue, or his personal belongings getting vandalized...Don't just slap a band-aid solution 'Status-Quo' approved ending on it...make Dipper mad at Mabel for putting him through all that! Have it be a long messy fight! If you make them reconcile...they BOTH have to earn it!(especially Mable)  
**

 **Summerween: Why is it so horrible for Dipper to want to celebrate Halloween his own way? True, he shouldn't of lied, but slanting the episode to put him completely in the wrong for wanting to have fun his own way...was completely unnecessary! Pleas make this episode more balanced**

 **Dreamscape: For the most part I have no complaints about the episode, but it needs to be at least addressed that Stan only 'toughens' up Dipper while letting Mable do whatever she wants. Also, could someone PLEASE tackle Gideon when he's gloating about the Deed in front of the Pines?**

 **Soos and the real girl(I don't get why Melody should have to leave, I'd rather prefer she stayed and have a sub-plot going with Soos)**

 **Blendin's Game(I mostly had no problem with this...but it always bugged me that no one did anything with the 'young Wendy thinks Dipper is cute' storyline...some assistance here would be most appreciated)(I'd also like to see Wendy's reaction to that)  
**

 **Tale of two Stans:(I'm with my fellow fanficton writers. Their should have at least been a small rift popping up between Mabel and Dipper after Mabel trusted Stan over Dipper(Especially considering she prevented Ford from killing Bill!))**

 **Stanchurian Candidate: I feel it was rather selfish for Stan to put his pride over the safety of his family, when they reveal the mind-control to him and he gets mad, lay it on home how he's being selfish and seemingly uncaring about his family!**

 **The last MabelCorn:** **I feel it was rather selfish for Mable to put her needs over the safety of her family, you can keep the 'Unicorns are selfish jerks' revelation if you want, but also lay it on home how she's being selfish and seemingly uncaring about her family!**

 **Roadside Attraction:(Recommended by Emma Iveli) If you MUST do this episode, Mable has to give Dipper more advice then just 'move on'(seriously, it's a bit weird she didn't help him more with this considering how much she loves matchmaking and knows better then anyone else how socially awkward Dipper is) And she and Grunkle Stan need to get into a big argument over who's advice is more valid. (pointing out the hypocrisy of Mable badmouthing flirting with multiple people, when she dose the same would be funny)  
**

 **Weirdmagedon: (can't think of anything...save for wanting to see a fic. where Ford's Bill-Killing Gun actually works...and Maybe some more character development/bonding between Dipper Wendy...and possibly Pacifica)(Oh, having Wendy comfort Dipper over his 'You can't make someone fall in love, you can only be worthy of love' speech would be nice too)  
**

 **Escape from Reality: JUST BURST THE BUBBLE! Especially if it's a crossover! A 22 minute story wrapped up in 5 minutes! Mabel can just deal with it!(it would also be nice if Wendy, Pacifica, or SOMEONE comforted Dipper about not getting any Valentines, also it be nice if someone reminded Wendy and Soos that their friends and family are suffering and they need to rescue them before they go gallivanting in the bubble).  
**

 **Take Back the Falls: If your doing a crossover, you HAVE to have someone from the Crossover-verse SUCCESSFULLY stop Stan from breaking the circle. By threatening him with death or dismemberment if necessary!**

 **EX: Ford: "Him and I...Grammar Stanley"**

 **Stan is about to beat him...when he feels cold steel pressed against his back**

 **Undyne: "YOU %$ #% one foot from where you are, I'll #% &$%$ kill you!"**

 **Stan gulps nervously...but stays in his place...and the cipher is complete...**

 **NOTE: to all Wendip and Dipifica fans alike...have you considered just making a water proof Tyrone and giving him to Pacifica while Dipper has Wendy? You could literally have your cake and eat it too!**

 **ANOTHER note: crossovers with gravity Falls in this challenge are accepted and encouraged! Let your imagination run wild!(But ONLY as long as you don't have the people from said crossover-verse sitting around useless and not letting them change the plot(let the above 'stop Stan from ruining the circle' be your template for ANY other moments in Gravity falls Cannon)**

 **And one more thing...I'm well aware that this might not be some people's cup of tea...so if you want to adopt ANY of my stories...or give them to a friend/acquaintance. That's fine.**

 **This dose NOT mean I'm discontinuing my stories, I'm just trying to give you more options. I will also allow multiple adoptions, so more then one person can enjoy this!**

 **Well, that's more or less it, good hunting YAH'll!**

 **...**

 **ANOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! the publisher is Xlibris** ** **, also available at Inkitt, Amazon and BarnesandNoble.****


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